Overwhelmed.
I spent most of my day at the Doctor's today. I left my house with so much hope and excitement. I really thought that I was going to find answers. I wanted to know what I'm allergic to, why I feel the way that I do, and get a plan of action to take control of my health so I can start living life and eating without fear or pain. I ended the day feeling defeated and disappointed.
I've been to doctors before for the same reason... always coming back disappointed or with unnecessary (in my opinion since they never work) drugs. It all started in high school when I was misdiagnosed with an ulcer and given medication to 'fix it'. The medication didn't work so they kept trying new things and nothing helped. I gave up on taking the medication and just started taking action on my own. I became my own little google scholar and started trying suggested ideas that others had done. I began by eliminating things from my diet to see if I could find anything that happened to be upsetting me. It didn't take my long to discover that I couldn't have dairy any longer. I still had stomach issues, but nothing that I couldn't live with. As of recently I noticed more and more issues that I couldn't escape. I don't know if my body just changed after kids, but either way I knew I had to figure out what was going on. I had an endoscopy/colonoscopy and expected to find that ulcer that the doctors were STILL blaming all of my discomfort on. It simply didn't exist. In fact, I have very healthy 'guts' without anything wrong! Definitely something most people would like to hear, but I had almost wished that they would have found something obvious that was easily treatable so I could fix it and move on. Not so much. The gastroenterologist just told me "I can't see anything wrong and I dont know why you're feeling the way that you are. We're just going to diagnose it as IBS, but I'm not sure that that is really what it is or not." She then referred me to the allergist. She did tell me that I should try a gluten free diet for a while and see if that helps... so I did and am now gluten free as well as dairy free. Now when I try to eat Gluten I find that my reactions are far worse than even my reactions I used to have if I accidentally had dairy. Go figure.
The doctor I went to see today was the allergist. You could imagine how excited I was to finally make it to her. It made sense that she would have the answers. I had this vision that she would do a blood test, find out what was wrong, and I would adjust my diet and live it out forever more happily ever after.
My appointment started with me arriving early to fill out paperwork. I did so while holding Grayson and trying to keep Lydia in her seat in the lobby. Not so easy!
By the way... I was still excited at this point.
All of the nice old ladies and gentleman were fawning over my sweethearts and I had actually answered every question on the questionaire without Grayson melting down or Lydia destroying anything in the lobby.
An hour goes by and we're now past nap time. Lydia is playing musical chairs and Grayson is having to be moved around constantly in order to keep him from melting down. I'm exhausted
They finally call me in and let me continue by wait in a little room for another half an hour....
***Thank you Miranda for the idea of bringing crayons to draw on the paper on the bed... it helped!****
I promised trick or treat candy to Lydia if she simply was a good girl and colored... that also helped!
there's nothing like bribing your children when you're exhausted. :/
The nurse came in...asked a few questions
another 20 min.
Grayson is now flailing and crashes into sleep.
I'm wiped. Lydia is now watching Go Diego Go on netflix on my phone
I'm praising God my iphone and praying the doctor will just come in before I start crying and leave.
She comes in and asks me some questions and I share with her everything I'm going through.
I explain to her how hard I've been working to avoid all of the stomach pain.
I share with her my recent visit to urgent care for being in such bad abdominal pain for 3 days that I thought I felt like I my stomach was going to explode...etc....
I told her sincerely told her everything.
Her response:
"Unless you're having serious reactions where your throat is swelling up or your lips are swollen, then I don't find a need to test you for allergies. Some people have 'intolerance'. You may have a lactose and gluten intolerance."
I agreed to that, obviously... except not so excited that she wouldn't even test me to check for any allergies?
weird.
I explained to her how casein also bothers me and how I randomly get even worse reactions even when I don't have items containing either gluten or dairy... she rolled her eyes.
long story short... she made me feel like a complete idiot and gave me 3 little pamphlets on how to eat healthier and sent me off. She said "I think the gastroenterologist did a good enough job and I don't find it necessary to do any more testing"
Defeated. Not only did she treat me like a hypochondriac, told me I couldn't bring my children (despite the fact that Lydia sat quietly without a noise watching Diego without the sound on in a seat and Grayson was asleep the entire time), but she just waved away all that I am going through like it was nothing.
This isn't what I want for myself. I didn't bring this about. I am most definitely not making up my pain. I HATE going to the doctor and have only gone in the past for emergency reasons. I don't just go for fun and make up ailments. It took me a lot of strength to finally try to figure out what was wrong and go to see her. It also took a LOT of time and will be costing me a LOT of money that will be going to absolutely nothing. Money that could have gone to many other things that our family needs. ugh.
Next is an appointment with a naturopathic doctor... I hope this one goes better.
I needed to let all of this out. Writing it down makes it feel like I'm not going through this alone.
I know that the Lord is within me. I know that He has a plan. I know that He has the answer to all of this. I do, but yet I feel like I'm alone? For some reason my heart isn't taking hold of these truths. I'm not TRULY believing and trusting the Lord with this or I wouldn't feel the way that I do right now. Why? :(... I feel like there's a disconnection between my heart and my mind right now with all of this.
-Would you join me in prayer this week as I continue to give this all up to the Lord?-
(please forgive me for any misspelling and all of the horrible grammatical errors... I don't plan on editing this post. :/ )
A recent Gluten and dairy free recipe I made and loved for those of you in the same boat:
Spinach Stuffed Pork Roast
1 small pork roast
1/2 c chopped onion
2 cups chopped spinach
2 heaping tablespoons minced garlic
1 tablespoon italian seasoning (I used rosemary, basil, oregano seasonings)
I caramelized the onions in a saucepan and then added the garlic and spinach and cooked it just until the spinach wilted. I added the seasoning and cooked another minute. I cut the pork into a spiral, laid it flat, and put the spinach mixture on top of it in an even layer. I rolled it up and secured it with a tooth pick. I cover the roast with a light coating of olive oil and sprinkled it with pepper and salt.
In a small roast pan I spread out some onion wedges and set the pork roast in it. I surrounded it with some little purple potatoes, covered it, and put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 2 hours.
It came out super delicious! It would be good with more of a basil/pesto mixture too. I served it with some yummy home canned pears. Let me know if you make it :) (please excuse the horrible quality photo that makes it look awful.. promise it was good!)
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