Just a little letter for my babies...

Dear Lydi and Gray,

Please stop growing. It's happening WAY too fast. I don't want to think of the day where Grayson isn't chasing you, Lydia, and trying to give you big, open mouth, sloppy kisses. Oh Lydi, I know you're not always going to want your 'tiny tiny blankey' in order to sleep. Grayson you MUST have your sock monkey at night, it's so cute. Last night you made sure to grab it before I pulled you out of your crib to nurse and you insisted on snuggling him the whole time. Both of you are so small & despite the fact that Lydia is turning 3 in less than a month, I have a hard time imagining both of you as anything but my sweet little babies. I'll leave all of the "I wonder what you'll be when you grow up" for when you grow up. I don't even want to think about anything like that yet! I just want to take in every moment holding your tiny hands, rocking you at night, looking at you while you're sleeping, kissing your owies, playing pretend and eating your pretend cooking, kissing your little toes one by one, rubbing your heads, tickling you both under your chins, and so much more it would take me days to write. I treasure you both so much. I love the personalities that you both have. You're so smart, loving, caring, and full of energy and wonder. I am so very thankful for you two and I know that you're daddy is too. So since I do realize that every day you still are going to grow no matter what I do, lets spend every waking and sleeping minute enjoying the blessings that you are and having fun together. I want to snuggle you longer, spoil you with love more, and teach you all about the environment around you. I promise to try my best and let go of my selfishness, my frustrations, and 'need' to keep everything clean because life is so much better without it! I want to get on the floor with you more and play pretend, go outside and go exploring, take you to places that will stretch your little minds, and show you things that you could never have imagined. I also want to read you more books & take you to the library and let you read as many as you want. I want to minimize all 'screen time' and enjoy harboring your beautiful imaginations. I love you two so much. I truly want the best for you.

Love, Your Momma <3

Organizing and traveling

What a busy season we're in! I think the realization that we're leaving has stirred in me this need to enjoy my kids, my family, my friends, and my life here more. I've also been cleaning, organizing, and clearing out all of the extra clutter we don't need. Alaska is coming soon and although I know we won't be gone that long and that we won't miss the entire summer I feel this need to prepare myself to be away.
The last few weeks I've been an organizing fool! I made a commitment with a friend to do this whole 'organize your home in 52 weeks' thing... and although it sounded really cool... I failed. So I created my own little plan instead and am sticking with it! I organized Grayson's room, purged through all of the clothes and toys he's grown out of, and kept only what I loved to be saved in the attic. I didn't just pile the totes in my garage, but actually PUT them INTO my attic. Amazing huh? I know! I have friends to thank for this. I couldn't have done it without them! I did the same with Lydia's room and now cleaning up and finding things is so much easier!
I completely took everything out of the cupboards in my kitchen, cleaned them all out, went through everything, and then put everything back in a more organized manner. Anything I hadn't used in the last year or more simply took off to goodwill!
Now I know what you're thinking- garage sale right? Now I considered this, and then decided that if I put that kind of pressure on myself... it would just turn into me continuing to store useless things in just a different place. I wasn't willing to do it this time. I think the relief of letting things go completely out weighed the $10 I would have gotten from it and all the work it would take to keep it mice free until garage sale season!
My living room was organized just in the process of cleaning everything else. My hutch in the dining room is now Lydia's preschool/craft hub and also hosts all those extra dishes for if we have anyone over. I cleaned and reorganized our bedroom, but it's going to take buying/selling furniture to ease the same issues we always have in there... so that's next! ... well that and paint.

Okay that's enough of that.... you get the idea. I don't know why it took me so long to do this. It's freeing! I have a long way to go still to have my home as I imagine it, but I feel like I'm actually heading there!

This last week I spent some time camping in Seaside with parents. We, being the kids and I since Jacob had to work, had so much fun spending time with them! We went swimming at the pool, shopping, ate at an amazing mexican food restaurant ('The Stand'), ate a TON of candy, watched movies, and went swimming some more. We were all spoiled by them and already miss them! I came home for a day and unpacked, did mountains of laundry, cleaned house, repacked, and then went to Grants pass with Jacob, the kids, and 'Uncle seth' the next day! We stayed two nights at Jacob's Grammy's house and were able to spend some time with her, Jacob's Grandpa Joe, and some of the Miller bunch. It was so wonderful seeing everyone and hearing more stories of Jacob's heritage! It turns out that Grayson is actually the 5th 'Michael Balint' in a line of Balint boys. Kinda fun :) Jacob was sweet enough to take the kids while I was able to have coffee with a good friend while we were down there and I can't even begin to tell you what an encouragement she was and what joy it brought to my heart to be able to spend that time with her! As fun as Grants Pass was , though, I believe the trip was too short! I wish that we could have spent more time hanging out with Grammy and catching up with the Miller's. Hopefully we can next time!
This week is already filling up with different things here and there. I'm so wiped out that I don't really want to think about it, but at the same time I'm excited to see friends and have play dates! Jacob's best friend will be arriving Thursday to stay for a few days and then Jacob's parents will be spending the weekend with us as well! There's already blazer games and fun things planned for while they're here.
Busy busy busy!!!

Now hopefully I can get my sweet little ones to take their naps and get back on schedule! Lydia is currently doing somersaults off the couch and onto all of the couch pillows she piled on to the floor while Grayson is jumping on the couch springs and then attempting to climb onto my coffee table until he gets caught.
haha... I love it.

Well here's a few photos to go with our trip to Grants Pass! The lighting was horrible, but we were all having fun playing outside in the sun at Grammy's house... so I attempted to get a few shots in the chaos :)

Jacob and Seth were playing horse shoes so Lydia found her own ;)

I love her beautiful smile!

My sweet girl!

He was moving as fast as his boots would take him, but I'm glad I caught him smiling!

Those are momma kisses on those lips!

He figured out how to peel the bark of the trees :/

:)

peek a boo!

Grayon's fish lips! 

The kids with their Grammy! They were getting tired, hence the fingers in the mouths!

My Juneau :)

A picture with Grandpa Joe :)

Imaginary Friends

We were all sitting around dinner tonight when Lydia explained to us a new friend of hers so I thought I'd share her with you too!

Her name is Flacka, she's a girl. She's invisible to us, but she's black and white and her favorite color is blue. She kind of looks like a hot dog & she likes to eat hot dogs. She only talks to Lydia, Grayson, and June- not mom and dad! She flies around a lot and likes to dance. Flacka moves REALLY fast and she likes to say "boo boo boo!"... I think she must be pretty cool from how excited Lydia is and I also think that Lydi must know her pretty well from how Lydia described her.

Oh Flacka... I hope that I get to know you pretty well (I hear you really like to play hide and seek and the light in lamps!-well I do too!). 

I know this is a short blog post, but it's pajama time for everyone, including Flacka.

Lydia caught Flacka for me so we could get a picture of the two of them, but she flew away pretty quick right after! I'm glad I caught the picture before she did!

Surfing my worries away!

I had a day free of children. It was wonderful to say the least.
I'm not saying that I don't adore my time with my children... I do. In fact... I had to fight to keep my mind from thinking about them and missing them constantly.
It was the first time I had an ENTIRE day without at least one little one by my side in over year. Strange isn't it? To live so closely and constantly near these little ones... to breathe the same air in the same space at the same time every moment for over a year. I had days that Jacob would take them places for a few hours here and there so I could have a little time to myself or to clean house without little hands getting into everything, but that just isn't the same. Still wonderful, but not the same.
I made a commitment during my day. I wasn't going to allow myself to feel guilty for my day. I set my mind on the Word, grabbed a few beautiful ladies, and went surfing!
Surfing to me isn't JUST a fun activity or hobby. It's one of those rare things that I love to do that's both peaceful, draws me into a place of adoration and worship of my God, and refreshes my heart in a way that not many things can. I  love being surrounded by creation and humbled by the beauty of it. It makes me feel so small. With every wave that crashes down on me and pulls me into the wash, pushing me any way that it wishes, it shows me how weak I am. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I come face to face with how much I need the Holy Spirit. How much I don't understand. I don't just know the need I have for Him, I feel it in the freezing cold water every time I reach my bare hands in to paddle. There's something about feeling the power behind the peaceful rolling and crashing of a wave that wakes you up from whatever is holding your heart captive. I often don't have the words to explain what I'm feeling. I don't know what to pray, how to ask, what to say. When I catch a wave, it's like a release switch. With each ride I find I'm laughing lighter, acting sillier, not worrying about anything, and mostly not thinking at all.
The place we surfed at was breathtaking. We climbed down a trail leading to the channel in Newport. It ended at a large field blocked by some small dunes between us and the ocean on one side and a rocky shore between us and the channel on the other. We stumbled along the rocks until we found ourselves nearly under the Newport bridge. We must have looked crazy too the people crossing the bridge... I would've thought we were crazy if I had seen us. We all managed to make it into the water without any causalities to either our boards or ourselves and road out into the surf. It was a small, clean swell. A perfect wave for a long board. The waves came around the clock in well spaced sets that broke softly to the right. They weren't too hard to catch, but you had to kind of drop in to the left and then turn to the right to ride them... then it would take you in a half circle wrapping you along the shore until you met with the bridge.  We could watch the boats coming in and out of the harbor, but they were far enough away that we weren't interrupted by their wakes. It was beautiful. I caught a handful of waves, which was more than I expected to. I'm not very good at knowing what to do after you actually catch one! They were moving slow and smooth enough, though, so I practiced turning this way and that. I didn't ride them long, but long enough! There wasn't any current and it didn't take much paddling to float a long way across the water. It was wonderful! Simple.
I really hope I can go out again soon. It's always such an experience. I came home feeling so refreshed. I left a lot of things behind in that water. I'm at a loss for how to explain what exactly, but I just know that I paddled in with far too much wrapped around my heart and came out with all of that untangled and tossed away. I'm so thankful to know the places to go and the ways to position myself to allow my mind to rest and God to move through and refuel me. Where do you go? Where is that place that you are refueled by God the most? What refreshes you? How can you find the time for it. For being there... For listening in the quiet... For allowing God to move through you and change your heart and your mind? These are the questions I start asking myself when I feel my heart starting to feel heavy. I'm not saying that the ocean is the only place that I can go or that surfing is the only way I meet with the Lord. This is just one of those places that I can't help but see Him, worship Him, and receive Him and I am thankful for it.
Thank you Jacob Michael, my love, for watching and playing with our sweet babies so that I could be refreshed and have a wonderful time surfing with my friends :)

This is a bit of what we read before we started our day in "My Utmost for His Highest". I think is was quite fitting!

Mark 4:10 "When He was alone... the twelve asked Him about the parable."

"When He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then HE begins to teach us."

"As you journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul."

"Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him."

Happy New Year!

Gray·son

 [grey-suhn]

noun:

1. A sensitive little boy with an extremely soft heart.

2. A wild tornado that waddles around the house unfolding laundry and stuffing it in kitchen cupboards and gives anything in it's path to the dog.

3. An alarm clock that wakes mom up 3-4 times a night.

4. A vacuum that eats up anything in it's wake, food or otherwise.

5. A VERY sneaky little booger that steals things from his sister and runs away giggling.

6. A future mountain climber that climbs on chairs, tables, toys, couches, beds, and anything else that happens to be in front of him.

7. Both the most annoying little brother and best friend to Lydia.

Synonyms: Stinky dinky doo, stink pot, stinky, little buddy, buddy bear, sweet boy, sugar bear

I'm learning more and more how difficult it is to function when this little man is awake! Thank goodness for Lydia who follows him around undoing his destructive-ness most of the time. If it weren't for my 'big helper'... well lets just say my house would be in a worse condition than it already is! Oh my babies are growing up! Woe is me :(

Grayson is taking on this task of turning into a destructive two year old something fierce while Lydia is working extremely hard on becoming a big 3 year old. I've been working on teaching Lydia how to help around the house. She's doing great at putting her laundry away, placing clothes on hangers, sorting the silverware and putting them away, washing anything plastic, and cleaning up after herself (and even brother!). 

SO awesome!

Fits aren't as frequent anymore (Grayson is quickly filling in those shoes!) and she's been so much more obedient. I haven't had to use 'the spoon' very often anymore. We've kind of transitioned to something that works SO much better for her. Whenever she's whining, throwing a fit, or isn't being a 'good listener', her nose goes to the wall for 2 minutes. I know it sounds silly, but we just don't have a good time out corner... so instead... it's just a spot on the wall that she keeps her nose on until her time is up. SHE HATES it. Very effective & it doesn't take long.

Grayson and Lydia are so different... all it takes to punish him is a firm no.

He's such a sensitive little guy! He falls apart into a puddle of tears if you just raise your eyebrows at him. I wonder what he's going to be like when he's her age? I guess time will tell... and sooner than I'd like!

So I thought I'd share a few of Lydia's favorite things right now... simply because I don't want to forget!

Activities: playing pretend, going outside, painting/anything crafty, riding her bike, helping mom around the house

Favorite toys: her new leapster book reading thingy (she'll spend hours 'reading' at night if we don't take it away), her baby dolls (she has two in particular), her back pack that she fills with random things (she's always on her way to Alaska or nana's house), stick sticks (stickers), the tin tea set that we all have to pretend to drink out of, and anything Grayson has... because obviously whatever he has is better.

Phrases: "Oh my WOW", "OH my goodness", "I can do it", "I think I can", "No NO Grayson!".

Best Friends: Jack Jack, Oh-Oh, Ava, Max, Towee, Chase, Bwytan (She prays for them every night!)

So update on me? Well things are changing so much around here! It's a new year and even more change is coming sooner than I'd like to think (more on that later). My mind has been fighting to stay on the present rather than on what's coming next and I fear that I'm losing the battle! I'm starting a 52-week organize your home kinda deal... and that's going to be quite the challenge for me... and I'm working on some DIY projects and ideas off of pinterest. I need something creative to keep the artist/musician in me at bay! I guess you could say I have some new 'resolutions'... to pray with focus and all of my heart, position myself to hear from the Spirit in even the littlest things (and follow through!), and to seek the Lord in his living Word with intention and purpose. It's not necessarily a 'New year' kind of thing, but more of an ongoing desire to become closer to Christ and rely on Him more in the everyday.

okay... I really need to go. In the time it's taken for me to type this Grayson has strewn crumbs all over the floor and couch from a piece of bread that I have no idea of the origin. My laundry is clearly unfolded now and all over the living room (I also should check the cupboards). I can see that the dog has obtained some new toys and is chewing on the batman sippy- Lydi will not be pleased. My dish towels are draped over the piano, there's chalk on the floor, and there are books EVERYWHERE.

oof.

Grayson turned 1, Christmas happened twice, and I just had a birthday!

Pallows (pillows), honeys (undies), Eggo (Diego), dinky doo (pinky dinky doo), I think I can, I do it, icky poopoo's, OOOH budder (brother), pretties, rite dare, stwower (stroller), I needsta help, boots, choc-oh-late, helmit (remote)...

I love listening to Lydia talk. I absolutely love her sweet little words and how she says each of them in her own little accent. These are just some of my favorites... some of the ones I hear the most. She's given her own names to so many everyday things that I often forget that it's not what other people normally call them. I'm teaching myself how to not speak her language back to her, though. I know it doesn't benefit her when it comes to teaching her the correct pronunciation of things, but my goodness it's hard not to say silly sentences like "I needs lots is a more of dees ones" when she's usually the only little human I talk to all day... everyday.
That and yes, I want to keep her little a lot of the time. I don't want her to grow up. It's so dear to my heart to hear how she's developed her own language to describe her little world... I feel like I see my world differently just from the way she has described it to me in her words.

Grayson's birthday came and went and with not TOO many tears... We celebrated with family the weekend before Christmas. It couldn't have been better. He loved being sang to so much that we sang him happy birthday twice! He ate more cake than I'd like to admit, but it was so extremely cute and I just wanted him to enjoy it. My mom made him a beautiful little sock monkey cake (hopefully I can find and add pictures!). You could tell he knew EXACTLY what it was and who it was for by his sweet little squeals the moment he saw it! He has loved his sock monkey from the moment he received it and it has been his favorite lovey since. Besides his train... it's by far his favorite thing in this house.
I hope that we get to celebrate his birthday with family like that every year. What a blessing!

Christmas with my family was celebrated that same weekend. I don't think I can remember having a better Christmas! All of the kids did great and had such a wonderful time! It was more relaxed than any other Christmas and I really think that everyone there could agree that we all left with full hearts and truly enjoyed our time with each other. We opened presents Saturday morning (my goodness every child was spoiled!). I was able to cook my favorite meal, breakfast, and then the kids played with all of their toys all day. We got everything prepared and cooked for the 'big dinner' and family all slowly arrived. We visited, opened beautiful stockings (just wait until you see how huge mine was! hahaha), and shared gifts that we had chosen for each other. We draw names every year and it's always fun surprising them with something unique and personal! The dinner was amazing and the deserts were even better! We sang birthday songs to my Uncle, Grayson, and myself, opened more presents, and then everyone went their separate ways. Jacob and I had planned to leave the next morning, but after some discussion... we decided it would be safest to leave that evening.
The kids are still loving all of their gifts from santa and I am too!!

This past weekend we celebrated Christmas with just us as a family. It was such a sweet time! I read a book to the kids regarding the birth of Jesus, which Lydia loved, and we celebrated Christmas as a tribute to Christ's birth. Lydia is STILL singing 'Happy Birthday baby Jesus' around the house!
We opened presents, nothing big, but just a few things special that we had got for each other, and had our friends for dinner. All of the kids played well together and had a great time as did we. It was such a wonderful Christmas this year!

The day after was my birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! I'm now 24, be amazed, I know. I'm getting so stinkin old! Jacob came home and brought me beautiful flowers and a yummy peppermint starbucks! It was wonderful :)

So here comes the new year! I'm excited to be starting a new year full of new adventures! I haven't fully thought of any new year resolutions, but I'm sure that I will. Probably some new plan to build some muscle on these bones, learn a new craft, play more music, or finally sew Lydia's quilt that I started BEFORE she was born :/. I'm not sure yet, but when I know... you'll know.

Jacob and I hadn't planned on being in this picture, but neither of the kids wanted near Santa! :)

Grayson in his sock monkey little get up with his lovey

Me and my GINORMOUS stocking full of goodies!

My mom had a wool sock monkey dress... of course I had to put it on! haha... (ignore my lack of make up!)

A photo of all of the stockings together.. you can tell Jenna and I are the favorites here! ;)

Grayson seeing his cake with his cousin Autumn (otter pop)

Want some??

So handsome!!!

Lydia concentrating on opening everything in her stocking :)

The adorable cake and cupcakes!

MY beautiful cake my mom made me...  COMPLETELY dairy and gluten free!!! <3

Oh baby Gray...

Thanksgiving went well! It was so very wonderful to have my house full of family and smelling of yumminess. I already wish I could have them all back again! I'm not sure that I'll be doing it again for a long while though. It is just such a long drive to my house for everyone that came. They all arrived early to be able to spend more time with each other, but that's when I'm in the kitchen the most. It made it hard for me to spend time with them. Then they all needed to make the long trek home early enough to avoid freezing roads, which meant for only about 4 hours spent with them total... most of which I was either in the kitchen or cleaning up. Don't get me wrong, I had a FANTASTIC time! I LOVED doing the cooking and serving my family. I even loved trying to squish that many people into our little kitchen and dining room.
I keep trying to convince them all to move here, but they're just not having it! :)
So next year we'll most likely be spending it at my mom's beautiful home and I'll just have to talk her into letting me come a day ahead and we can cook our little fingers off together again.
That was definitely the part of Thanksgiving that I think I treasured the most, spending time cooking with my mom. We work so well together weaving around the kitchen and never even knocking into each other despite the small space. We are a well oiled machine and once we get started then there's no stopping us!

My sweet little family and I just returned from a trip to Grammy and Grandpa Buddy's house in Grants Pass. We brought Uncle Seth along with us too. The crazy kook volunteered to hold Juneau the entire drive down! June surprisingly did REALLY well, but we had no idea what to expect. Praise God for no puppy accidents in our car! Anywho, back to talking about Grammy's...
Can I just say I love it there?
They have such a wonderful place and we love spending time there with them. The kids and Juneau had the run of the place, which Grammy and Bud so sweetly baby proofed, and they had a blast! Grayson had a ton of fun toting around all of Grammy's potatoes and trying to eat them raw. Lydia entertained all of us, as always, and June... well she's June! She played well with Gray and entertained us too with all of her sweet puppyness. Jacob, Seth, and Bud watched endless hours of football and I even got a chance to read a book! It was wonderful! I'm glad that Grammy and Bud are here for the winter and I hope that we get to go see them again soon. They're so full of love and are a joy to be around and the kids adore being with them too!

Now starts the week of trying to get back on schedule, grocery shop and meal plan for the next two weeks, unpack from our trip, do laundry, and plan for Grayson's birthday!

EEEEEEK!!!!!! I can't believe that his birthday is only a week away!
I had big ideas planned for his birthday. I wanted it to be just as fun and decorated as Lydia's was. I wanted to make him a beautiful cake just as well thought out as Lydia's castle cake was, and have a lot of friends over to celebrate him too. I know that he won't remember it. I know that he probably could care less. He probably wouldn't even notice the decorations much, might even get overwhelmed if there's too many people here, and will probably care less what his cake looks like as long as he gets to eat and his sister doesn't steal any of his ;).
As silly as it is, though, I still want to do it for him. This 1st year mark is huge to me. It's celebrating making it through all of the hard sleepless nights, watching him grow from my sweet little 6 pound 9 oz newborn to my toddler that's trying so hard to keep up with his sister, and remembering every little stage he went through to get here. Every moment of his first year is engraved into my heart and I just want to celebrate it!! Can you blame me??
I know that there won't be a HUGE party, but I'm going to try and put something together for him. I hope that he'll have another little friend or two here to play with, some fun and shiny decorations to look at (and I'm sure tear down), and a cute cake to dig his sweet little fingers into.

Grayson,
I love you so much my sweet baby boy. From the moment you were born we have had such a strong bond. You were such a sweet and snuggly baby. When you were a newborn and I had to sleep with you on my chest you would squirm your way all the way under my chin. You wanted to be snuggled up as close as you could to your momma. Your adorable little fingers would hold a death grip on my shirt so that I wouldn't put you down, I didn't. For four weeks I slept on the couch while you slept on my chest and hardly left my arms. I didn't want to be away from you either! When other moms reveled in their little ones sleeping through the night, I do admit I was a bit jealous at times, but as soon as I would go in to nurse you.. you'd curl up under my chin again. I still wake up with you... not because I know you can't sleep through the night without it if I tried to teach you, but because I simply treasure rocking you when you sleep. I find myself fighting to get back into my own bed as I hold you, but knowing I have to give in or I won't be able to keep up with you during the day too! You have such a beautiful little grin, these super cute little stinky feet, and the best little chubbies on the planet. You're constantly getting into 'trouble'. You climb everything, go through all of my cupboards and drawers, and eat anything in your path.
I really don't want to know some of the things that have made it into your mouth :|
Your sister is always getting you to do her dirty work while knowing full well that you'll get in less trouble than she will- I'm working on that-. How can I punish you when you give me your cute little squinty grin?? I definitely don't want to see your sad face, oh how it instantly breaks my heart!
You are starting to learn what fits are, surely from your mischievous big sister, and I'm learning how to adjust. Your favorite toys are anything you can pull, hit, smash, makes noise, or you can make sound effects to. Either that or my phone, that works too.
You love talking on the phone/skyping with your nana or dada. As soon as I get a call on my phone you're already at my feet tugging on me jabbering to talk.
My boy you can dance! You've got the cute little bounce down and you're learning how to wink... what else do you need?
You're just a joy to be around and I love you. I am already missing my sweet little newborn with those beautiful little eyes looking up at me, but I'm excited to see who you become and to enjoy the adventure along the way. I will forever celebrate this first year that we have spent together. I love you baby bear, Your Momma